Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
