I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i drank out of a bidet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
