So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
