So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
