So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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