I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
