last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
