I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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