I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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