So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
