In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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