I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
