you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
