I smell stomach acid.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He shit in the fireplace
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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