is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
