party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
