it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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