i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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