i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
