eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
