Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
