i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
