Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
