Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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