Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we're making bets on your personal life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The air was thick with penises
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
