at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
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The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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