just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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