you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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