she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
