nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
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She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
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She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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