I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
