I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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