i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize