i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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