You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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