Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
