Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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