You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
