Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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