he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
