he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
