The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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