He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Pooping to opera.
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