Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
