It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
