Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
