I heard we made out
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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