Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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