with your own penis?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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