My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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