so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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