Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
