The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
