I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
