Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
