On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
