So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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