i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They took my balls.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
