when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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