The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
