I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
