i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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